Three tips for practicing gratitude in hard times

The darkness around us might somewhat light up if we would first practice using the light we have in the place we are.~Henry S. Haskins, (1875–1957)

Here we are in November, and, I for one, am grateful to be here. 2020 has been one helluva ride…and not of the thrilling amusement park type. The roller coaster has been truly terrifying, and it doesn’t look like we are getting off anytime soon. It’s sorta like having a maniac at the switch—just when you think you can get off, the train speeds up again and swoops upward for another stomach falling drop. For me, it’s difficult to practice gratitude in hard times.

I feel uneasy about the state of the world. I worry for my friends and clients as they juggle teaching, childrearing, writing, administration, and formerly simple tasks of everyday life like feeding the family. I am concerned about all of us living in a constant state of high anxiety, fearing illness, job loss, and familial disconnection. Sometimes I truly want to wail, a real scriptural lamentation, to express the pain and suffering of this hard time.

And yet…and yet…I am grateful to be here.

Gratitude has many positive effects. As a positive emotion, it strengthens the immune system. It reduces the experience of pain and aches resulting in fewer trips to doctors. It lessens frustration and anxiety helping to increase good hormones and warding off a flood of bad ones. It guards against depression by promoting connection. It can help with better quality sleep. When suffering the trauma of loss, gratitude can help keep your life in perspective.

If you are struggling to maintain optimism and thankfulness in the face of pandemic fatigue, online teaching pressure, distracted students, and difficulty concentrating on your own work, below are three ways to return to gratitude.

What can you be grateful for in your life right now?

It’s important to look for the good in a sea of darkness and fear. Assuming you and your loved ones are well, that’s a pretty big thing to be grateful for. Maybe it’s time to celebrate the plus side of the pandemic. Smaller celebrations might be:

  • Having a place to work at home
  • Not commuting
  • Time to cook, play with kids, have more time with your partner because you are not commuting
  • Spending time outdoors instead of leaving at dawn and returning at dusk
  • Not lugging everything you would for a pre-pandemic normal workday like lunch, laptop, books for class, etc.
  • Connecting with loved ones across vast distances that would have been difficult to make time for in the past
  • Better relationships as you and your partner navigate challenging, difficult times together
  • Revisiting or reigniting old friendships
  • Doing things with friends while maintaining social distance, like eating outdoors together
  • Attending more meetings, services, or classes just for fun because it’s easier to go to a meeting via video than driving, parking, and attending somewhere else.

How I practice gratitude

I’m not telling you to do anything I don’t. It’s crucial to connect with others during the pandemic. Humans need other humans for a sense of belonging, which may be as important to us as having our physical survival needs met. It remains a fundamental human need and is challenging in our current situation., there are clear advantages to connecting with others from an evolutionary perspective: for hunter/gatherer groups, it increases the probability of finding food, delivered protection from predators, and supported reproduction and childrearing. Without human connection, there is a much greater risk of both physical and psychological impairment.

1. Connecting

I give thanks for the regular Zoom gatherings with family spread across three continents (finding a time that worked for all was the biggest challenge), regular happy hours with friends, attending weekly services online, and the ability to connect with clients using video software. I just attended a webinar during my lunchtime, along with 900 other people, on “Otzi the Iceman’s Prehistoric Medical Kit” just because I’m interested in the topic. Though my family will not be gathering for Thanksgiving, we are likely to spend an hour together that day on Zoom. And local friends will be gathering in an appropriately socially distanced way to eat together outside since I live in an area of the world where the temperature is usually moderate even in November.

2. Appreciating

I keep an “early morning pages” journal, as suggested by Julie Cameron in The Artist’s Way. While I allow myself to vent on the pages, I also consciously work to acknowledge the good in my life. I like to remind myself of what has gone well the previous day, and what I did to make it happen. I also pause to reflect on the beauty I see around me, and the comfort I take from watching the cat on the windowsill. Inspirational poetry is also handy on that same windowsill. Over time, I’ve realized that it is OK to give thanks for the same things again and again: food to eat, shelter from the rain, a loving partner, children living their own lives without me, work I value. These are the gifts of living a privileged first-world life.

3. Sharing

I’m big on writing texts, emails, letters, and cards to people I know to say “thank you” for whatever they’ve done, big or small, to make my life easier. I thank my sister for her continuing care of our parents; I thank my husband for small repairs around the house (he finds the sticky notes I leave around quite amusing); I thank friends who have helped me navigate exasperating computer problems; I thank clients for book, podcast, and movie recommendations. It clearly makes me feel better, and I’m pretty sure it makes them feel better, too. Soul Pancake, a YouTube channel of “the dreamers, misfits, artists, activists, and innovators who have the power to positively change the world,” replicated an experiment conducted at the University of Pennsylvania and found just writing down what you are grateful for in another person can increase happiness by up to 4%. Actually telling someone in person what you are grateful for about them turned out to increase happiness by up to 19%.  That’s a pretty big jump in happiness just by expressing some gratitude!

Now that I’ve shared some of the ways I practice gratitude in my own life, what can you do to acknowledge the good, connect, appreciate, or share that feeling in your own life?

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