How do you evaluate success in your life?

Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.~Maya Angelou

How do you evaluate success or failure in your life? February can be a time to reassess our priorities. The new year is well on its way, yet you may feel nothing has changed. Sometimes the February blahs can lead to negative self-talk (“I’m not good enough,” “my plans never turn out right,” “I am always distracted and get nothing done,” etc.). Negative self-talk can keep you from acting because you feel overwhelmed. It’s important to recognize the success you have already had from the perspective of your whole life and not just your professional life.

I speak from personal experience. Sometimes by February, I just feel so tired. The excitement of the new year turning has passed, and I’m settling into a routine. Which often feels no different from my routine of the previous year. I feel as gray as the weather can be, with a dark cloud obscuring the full view. Even though I love my work, I must actively remind myself my life is bigger than my job.

Fear of failure can get into your head and lead you down a rabbit hole of self-doubt. We need to stop doubting our choices and remember our personal and professional are intertwined. We can evaluate success only from our own perspective. There are always so many detours and diversions, including the big life markers of births or adoptions, partnerships or dissolution of partnerships, or deaths of friends and family. Many things need immediate attention. We should never evaluate success only in terms of our professional lives.

We all make choices to flourish in our lives

Flourishing (defined as thriving, not merely surviving) can mean protecting your boundaries, living according to your own values, being appreciated for your contributions, being engaged in meaningful work, finding time for self-care and life outside of work, with challenging opportunities to grow your skills in many different areas. There is no one answer to describe success: there is only your answer.

You may remember Martin Seligman’s work in the positive psychology movement. In one of his later books, Flourish (2012), he created the acronym PERMA to describe his five pillars of Positive Psychology: Positive, Emotional Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment, for a life of profound fulfillment. Seligman does not define success as only belonging to the realm of the professional. His is a prescription for wholeness.

It’s time to recognize your success as a whole person

One thing I am beginning to recognize is how I have changed over my lifetime as a person. Obviously, I am getting older. It’s better than being dead and buried, as far as I am concerned. In my case, my children are grown and independent, I am joyfully living in a second marriage after years of widowhood, and I am finding ways to get away from my computer on a more regular basis.

I am also changing in the way I view the world. I’ve worried about being successful professionally and have worked to build significant depth in my website and tools to help clients. Sometimes, like everyone else, I have failed in my intention to help. When I fail, I work to remind myself I am always learning.

Over the years, I’ve learned much about berating ourselves, as failures undermine confidence and can lead to paralysis instead of action. Action can help us learn to define success for ourselves. If you’re not feeling good about one aspect of your life, it’s perfectly OK to be evaluating it. Is it still a good fit for you as you are now? That may include personal relationships, handling finances differently, improving your living environment, changing careers, or changing how you work. And by the way, failure is a form of success as you figure out your next best step.

Simplifying to evaluate success your way

Here’s an interesting tidbit on simplifying: I recently read an article about the e-commerce firm Shopify about canceling some recurring meetings. Shopify calls this a “calendar purge” achieved by deleting the “in perpetuity” designation, especially for regular meetings with more than 2 people. Two people meetings are assumed to be substantive and project-oriented. The plan is to cut down chat groups as well, using Slack only for internal instant messaging. This should also keep communication strings shorter.

CEO Tobi Lutke noted that when you say “yes” to something, you are automatically saying “no” to other things. This is a very good way to think about what meetings you have agreed to attend. Long, unproductive meetings are painful for everyone. The company is also looking at scheduling meetings of 50 or more only one day a week and instituting a no-meeting day once a week. Meta, Clorox, and even Twilio have already implemented this policy.

For me, success at this stage also means scaling back and simplifying my life. I’ve made some decisions about the work I will take on and the work I will let go. Professional talks and workshops are out; the occasional webinar is in. (I have adjusted my website to reflect this.) Professional “networking” is out; connecting for meetings of substance is in. Newsletters I no longer read are out; unsubscribing from those is in. Meeting with clients will always be in because I so enjoy that, but marketing meetings are out.

If you are still struggling to evaluate success in your life, schedule a complimentary call and start changing your perceptions and life right now.

Tags: academia, attitude, becoming yourself, change, confidence, happiness, happiness at work, positivity, success