How do pragmatists learn to dream?
Photo by J.S. Hutchinson
There is a purpose to our lives that each day tugs at our sleeve as an annoying distraction.~Robert Brault, American writer.
I used to think I was a pragmatist, incapable of dreaming. I never wanted to look too closely at what I might want to do with my life, because, well, what if I discovered my purpose but there was no way to make it happen? Wouldn’t I just end up bitter and disappointed? Besides, I had a husband with a dream and two little girls to support. Wasn’t it better to just put one foot in front of the other and inch along, paying the bills, with a less than inspiring work life?
Here are three ideas for pragmatists to determine life purpose:
1. Consider your history: What you have already done?
In my own life, I was actually putting my dreams into effect. By 30, I wanted a solid marriage, children, a home for family, and a sense that we as a family were headed to a better future. Helping to finance my husband’s doctoral degree provided the purpose and impetus to get up and go to work each day. I enjoyed feeling as if I was contributing to his ultimate dream of a professorial position teaching archaeology at a beautiful campus. As a supportive spouse, I was able to piggy-back on his dream without getting too worried about my own. Great delaying tactic for deferring a deeper look at my own stuff, don’t you think?
Between us, he finished the degree and I got us moved to South Carolina for his first tenure track appointment, then the universe lowered the boom: one horrible car wreck later and the dream was gone in an instant with my husband’s death. I was left with a really difficult question to answer: if I wasn’t a supportive spouse, who was I? Well, good pragmatist that I was, I had an answer: I could become the supportive parent. I could help my children grow up and get through high school. Again, being the pragmatist kept me from looking too closely at my own dreams… until the kids left home, heading out to achieve their own dreams.
Uh-oh. I was now 50 years old, still working in an administrative position with no chance of career advancement, and with no one at home to make it a justifiable choice. I had been “living on purpose” for everyone but me. The pragmatist was now in serious trouble. Plus, I did not believe in all that “woo-woo” stuff that was floating around about manifesting dreams. What’s a realist to do? Brain science to the rescue!
2. Visualize your best self: Imagination as an analytic tool
Our subconscious cannot tell the difference between “I pretend” and “I am.” The purpose of imagination is to help us analyze “What if?” The key word here is “analyze.” It’s a way to help us examine our assumptions about what we think we should do, what we want to do, and what we can do. When we imagine what we can do, our brain kicks in to help us do it. The fastest, easiest route to life purpose is simply to go into your mind’s eye and picture your best self, when you felt 100% alive:
- Where were you?
- What were you doing?
- Who was with you?
- What was happening around you at that moment in time?
- What was your impact on them?
This picture is your signpost. When faced with choices, you decide on the strategies and actions that will actually help create this picture, beginning with a sense of confidence that you can do it. As some would say, “Where you put your attention becomes your intention.” Whatever you do, or decide not to do, with your sense of purpose is up to you. Making your picture happen requires commitment, persistence, and discernment of new opportunities. And there is nothing “woo-woo” in that.
3. Know that you know: it’s OK to think big
No doubt, like me, you are already living your own purpose, even if you have never articulated it out loud. When you do, it may sound silly, corny, or grandiose, and that’s OK. You don’t have to share it with anyone else unless you want to. For instance, “I help light the way for others to find their dreams” is perfectly acceptable as long as it feels powerful, true, and motivates you to action. When we live “on purpose,” we feel fulfilled and delightedly connected with life.
“How” you specifically display purpose may change over time. At one point, you may be going to school, at another raising your family, at still another, leading your community in a larger action or going deep inside yourself to write about a transformational experience that you want to share with the wider world. The sense purpose, or calling, can remain the same throughout it all. Imagine your best self, then finish this sentence and you will have yours:
“I help ________ to_________ by_________.”
If you still aren’t sure of your purpose after this, know that your subconscious is not ready to stop protecting you, and that you are still in the mental phase that Prochaska and diClemente (1994) call “contemplation.” If you are willing to look, purpose will indeed become clear to you over time. Mine did: I am meant to help illuminate the path for others, from family to friends to acquaintances. If you need help finding your true purpose or path in life, contact me for a complementary strategy session.
Meanwhile, it’s spring, the ornamental cherries glorious pink clouds of blossoms float above hedges of new green leaves. Here’s to your new picture of your best self, blossoming exactly as you are meant to do.
Tags: becoming yourself, dream, goals, happiness, life purpose
