In all people I see myself,
none more and not a one
barleycorn less,
And the good and bad I say
of myself I say of them.
—Walt Whitman,
Song of Myself, Part 20

(Photo by M. Landells, 2010)

“The problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished,” said George Bernard Shaw. “We send from 100 to 300 messages a day [but] we hear only half of what is said to us, understand only half of that, believe only half of that, and remember only half of that,” writes Kathy Walker, Kansas State University.  That’s because 90% of our communication about emotions and relationships is done without words through speech, gestures, facial expressions, and posture.

Communication through speech is uniquely human. We have every communication tool you can think of at our fingertips today, using the internet for Sykpe, Twitter, Facebook and email, and still have difficulty truly communicating with each other.  Much of what we call communication today is actually a one-sided conversation.

Good communication takes place one interactive conversation at a time.

We need effective communication to share our thoughts, feelings, or ideas. If we are part of a company or an educational institution, we need to understand and share the mission of the organization to succeed. True communication is necessary for a diverse group of people to make good decisions for the future.

Here are five tips to help you communicate more effectively in any situation:

1. Identify the purpose of the conversation. Why were you having a conversation?  Were you expressing frustration or making a correction?  Or, were you trying to help instead? In What Got You Here Won’t Get You There (2007), Marshall Goldsmith suggests: “Judge less, help more.”

2. Listen with intention.  Listening with intention is also referred to as “active listening.” Give the person speaking your full attention. Concentrate on allowing them to speak without interruptions.

3. Acknowledge thoughts and feelings first. Emotions are fundamental to humans in making decisions, so they are a key component of communication.  If the emotions are not acknowledged, clear thinking may be blocked.

4. Test your interpretation. Ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand.  Try paraphrasing and reflecting back to the speaker using “I” statements such as, “I think you are frustrated with this situation.”

5. Deliver an effective message.  In a dialogue, the other side of listening is speaking. Whether you are the supervisor or the employee, it is necessary to agree on what the actual issue is before it can be addressed. This requires that you are clear about the outcome you want (that the project, book, or strategy document needs to be finished on time and on budget). Brainstorming options is essential here.

Effective communication is a learned skill that anyone can master. A true conversation involves both speaking AND listening. Healthy organizations and healthy relationships develop one conversation at a time.

 

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