Breaking up is hard to do: 3 stages of post-project depression

Much like ending a long-term relationship, you may experience post-project depression after you’ve finished a major project.  It’s perfectly normal after you have invested a lot of time and energy into something to feel as sense of loss when it’s gone, as long as it doesn’t slide into clinical depression allowing fear to paralyze you from further action.

Academics, writers, and other creative types experience this regularly, and often cannot understand what is going on or what to do about it.  Just for the record, I include a wide variety of people under the umbrella creative type:  people that organize big events or prepare and give a keynote speech or a presentation to a board are all creative types.  Like emotional intelligence, they create in different ways.

I’ve written about this before, and my need to cope with this phenomenon after planning my own wedding in May 2014.  

Watching my clients finish dissertations, articles, books and major conferences, then moving beyond celebration for a finished project into a forlorn, lost state has made me think about this even more. They ask, “What am I going to do now that it’s over?”  

Sound like a familiar break-up lament?  

That’s because it is. Writer and film director Jeffery Lando expresses the feeling after completing a movie, saying, “All of a sudden I have nothing to do, and there is a wave of exhaustion that claims me and I become very moody and a complete [jerk].”

When you break-up with someone, even when you know it’s the right thing to do, there is always a period of second-guessing yourself.  Should I have finished it?  What if I made the wrong choice?  Should I revisit the decision to end this?  

But once you get past that, there are some recognizable stages to go through as you look for “the next big thing.” You may be too close to the last project to recognize the value of completion.  

I am a big fan of William Bridges, who makes this explicit in his 3-stage model of transitions, which can be summarized as the stages “Ending, Middle, Beginning” in that order. There are some specific tactics underlined in the discussion below about the three typical stages people go through after completion that can help move you through the process:

First, allow yourself a period to grieve. 

All the major change theorists (Bridges, 2009; Hudson, 1999; Prochaska, J. O., Norcross, J. C., and DiClemente, C.C., 1994; Kegan, 2001; Schwartz, J., Gaito, P. and Lennick, D., 2011) point to grieving as one of the earliest stages of the process of moving on.  Knowing the models can be useful in deflecting some of your resistance and fear about truly moving on. Or as I like to say, “Even good changes can be hard.”

The Ending phase can sometimes be the most painful. Andrew Jack wrote after finishing his last novel, he felt “lethargic and cotton-brained…I missed my characters. I missed the plot that had driven me half-crazy throughout the year. I missed my snarky, self-deprecating main character and his awesome friends.” In other words, it’s hard to let go of the old.

Second, expect some time to make the transition.

After a month, Jack started reading again for pleasure, and quit trying to consciously determine exactly what his next project would be.  In Bridges’ terms, Jack had entered the Middle transition period. This is a period of emptiness and uncertainty, what Bridges calls “the neutral zone” and I prefer to call “the dormant period.”

This transitional time—the time between letting go of the old and fully embracing and adapting to the new—feels at times like nothing is actually happening, but beneath the surface all kinds of things are happening, just as seeds prepare themselves for blooming in the spring.  Ideas are taking shape, a new image of yourself is being awakened.

This is a great time to clean up.  Look over your work area, and move the material from the project you just finished into reference files, or even throw stuff away.  It’s your opportunity to take stock as you figure out what to do next.

Reorganize, allow yourself to relax, and recovery will come naturally.  Take time to look at your whole life outside your project and determine if there are relationships you’d like to repair.  Maybe you need to spend some time reconnecting with friends and family.  Or maybe you need to reconnect with some part of you that’s been neglected for a while. For me, gardening can go by the wayside when I’m finishing a big project, and it is so good for me to spend time digging in the dirt and reconnecting with nature.  It reminds me there is a larger world outside my own head.

Third, know you will eventually get where you need to be.

Moving into a new beginning is the last phase of Bridges’ model.  Now that you are refreshed, the ideas may start flowing without your conscious push for a new project.  Let the various possibilities float around in your head for a while.  Maybe you’ve had some ideas that come directly out of the last project.  Look them over with some skepticism.  Do you really want to go this direction? Is the project important enough to you to undertake? Is it a contribution you want to make? Are you excited enough to follow through to a new ending? If the answer to any of these questions is “no,” then you haven’t found the next project that is right for you.

Once you have experienced these phases, and you have determined the next big thing for yourself, dive right in and get going.  If you leave it too long, you may never get started.  Relish your new beginning.  Begin by doing a little each day. Perhaps you find the thing that inspired you originally and revisit it. You may now want to approach it from a very different perspective. Or, to get going, you play around with some internet searches for inspiration.  Maybe you tack up a quote or a picture that helps you remember your new goal.  But start doing the work: waiting too long can derail the entire plan.

There is plenty of evidence that post-project depression exists.  Using the ideas set forth above, you can move from “blues” to “do’s.” It’s enough to keep you going!

If you’re struggling with post-project depression, professional help could be the answer. Sign up for a 15-minute complimentary session to get yourself pointed in the right direction.

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Tags: attitude, goals, letting go, strategies, transition, why change is hard