9 ways to break up with your phone to reclaim your time and focus
Table of Contents
9 ways to break up with your phone to reclaim your time and focus.
Do you want to break up with your phone?
Statistics for cell phone usage.
Are you addicted to your phone?
9 ways to break up with your phone.
- Phone fasting.
- Set clear goals.
- Monitor your usage.
- Create phone-free zones.
- Turn off non-essential notifications.
- Use technology to your advantage.
- Simplify your technology.
- Reduce usage gradually.
- Stay accountable to yourself, reflect, and adjust
9 ways to break up with your phone to reclaim your time and focus
We don’t have a choice on whether we use smartphones. The choice is how we use them. ~ Catherine Price
Our phones are an integral part of our lives, for better and for worse. We hold in our hands an amazing device that can answer all sorts of questions, provide up-to-the-minute (sometimes up-to-the-second) news, play an endless number of games, and maintain all our contacts and calendars, all in one easily accessible place. Many people rely on their phones for work, using various text message channels for real-time communication with colleagues. If you have set up syncing for “all devices,” your data is accessible from anywhere. 66% of the world’s current 7.9 billion people own a mobile phone now. If you grew up before the ubiquity of the internet, like I did, this is an astounding statistic.
Do you want to break up with your phone?
Unfortunately, there are some downsides to constant connectivity. You may end up with an unhealthy attachment to your phone, feeling distressed when you do not have it on or near you, or constantly having the sense you “must” check what is happening on social media immediately. Some new words have been coined: “nomophobia,” describing “the fear of being without a mobile phone,” and “phubbed,” to be “snubbed by a partner using a phone.” “Brainrot” is another term gaining traction for being always online whether on your phone or other devices.
While I am not at all opposed to the convenience of checking a calendar on the phone to determine availability, I find it’s entirely too easy to get sucked into the notification feeds or messages apps when all I really meant to do was check a date. I’ve seen myself and others become so distracted by diving into the phone feed that conversation comes to a dead stop. I’ll admit to being personally guilty of the “Let’s ask Google” transgression when a question comes up during a meal with others that can stop a conversation dead in the water.
Statistics for cell phone usage
We know a lot more about the algorithmic distortions driving what we see than we did a few years ago and there is a growing body of literature developing around “phone addiction.” Phone addiction can affect productivity, finances, mental and physical health, and personal relationships. The website Exploding Topics published these thought-provoking statistics in January 2024:
- 47% of Americans admit they’re addicted to their phones, including teenagers.
- The average American checks their smartphone 352 times per day.
- 71% of people spend more time on their phone than with their romantic partner.
- Almost two-thirds of children (generally ages 11 and under) spend four hours or more per day on their smartphones.
- 44% of American adults admit that not having their phones gives them anxiety.
- 20% of car accidents are caused by cell phones due to distracted driving.
There are plenty of additional statistics, but you get the point.
Are you addicted to your phone?
Signs that you are addicted to your phone include constantly checking it for notifications, mindlessly scrolling through social media posts, neglecting necessary tasks at home or work, feeling anxious or stressed without it, and prioritizing phone interactions over in-person interactions.
One definition of addiction is when dependence on use negatively interferes with your daily life. If you’ve thought to yourself, “I really shouldn’t be on my phone so much,” but found yourself unable to reduce your usage, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship with your phone. Phones, like the pagers and desktop computers before them, should be a tool that works for you. You shouldn’t be enslaved to a device.
Perhaps the question to ask yourself is whether your behavior feels healthy or unhealthy to you. Do you use it to distract yourself from being uncomfortable in real life (IRL)? Numb yourself with games or endless short videos of cats? Does it rise to the level of an addiction, or does it fall more into the category of social malaise? If you’ve ever felt the need to break up with your phone, below is a 9-point guide to help you regain control and find a healthier balance.
What is your why?
Awareness of the issue is the first step to breaking up with your phone. Think about how you use your phone and whether you feel dependent on its constant availability. Ironically, you can use your phone to find out exactly how much time you are spending on your phone with built-in features like Screen Time (iOS) or Digital Wellbeing (Android) to track your usage. These tools provide detailed insights into how much time you spend on different apps and activities. You might be surprised at how much time you spend on your phone.
Now, think about why you might want to break up with your cell phone or at least reduce your usage of it. Common reasons for reducing phone use are:
- Reducing stress and anxiety
- Finding more time for self-care
- More time and places to play
- Improving productivity and focus
- Enhancing personal relationships.
You can base your changes in phone behavior by looking to your own values. What do you want more of in your life? What do you want less of in your life? One answer for me is “more optimism and less doom.” It’s hard to act when you feel fatalistic about making any changes.
Catherine Price’s work
Catherine Price, a health and science journalist, wrote an entire book on this topic, How to Break Up with Your Phone: The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life. Price begins with a funny, open letter to her phone, acknowledging all its amazing capabilities, and ends with thanking the phone for keeping her from ever having to be alone, ending with, “I feel I can’t live without you. And that’s why it’s so hard for me to tell you we need to break up.” Among the issues she identifies as most corrosive are constant distraction and decision fatigue, which impacts deep work, addiction driven by algorithms to the dopamine hit given by the act of using our phones, and the impact of constantly interrupted short dives into material can affect your cognitive performance and short-term memory.
Jonathan Haidt’s work
Young people may have more trouble than ever breaking up with their phones, spawning another new word, “screenagers.” Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt has made a lot of waves with his book, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness around the collapse in youth mental health. Depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicide have been rising since the early 2010s. Haidt sees a shift from a play-based childhood to a phone-centric childhood as a large part of the problem.
Governments are beginning to take notice of phone addiction issues, too. In California, Governor Gavin Newsome has proposed a ban on smartphone use in schools. The Los Angeles School District’s board, the second largest in the US, is expected to ban the use of phones for the entire school day as early as Fall 2024. Florida has required schools to create rules for cell phone use, and some school districts have already banned them during the school day. Indiana has banned cell phones, tablets, laptops, and gaming devices during class time. Kentucky, Vermont, and Kansas are considering similar bans. And on June 18th, the US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy called for a warning label similar to alcohol and tobacco for social media.
All of these are efforts to combat cyberbullying and increased mental health problems for youth and an effort to help students overcome addiction to their phones and other devices.
9 ways to break up with your phone
There are many ways to cut back on overusing your phone. I practice some of them myself, to the extent that I am willing and able. Phone use for me ramped up with every iteration of the iPhone, as it got smarter and smarter. I love being able to call from anywhere and work online from anywhere, even with the frustrations of a very small screen.
1. Phone fasting
Start with a 24-hour “phone fast” or “technology sabbath” on a day of your choosing. Given work demands, many people working away from an office may not be able to stop using their phones during regular work hours. Decide if there is a good time to disengage from the phone so the temptation to scroll or game is lessened. If you notice a feeling of withdrawal, such as insomnia or increased irritability, that will likely lessen over time as you lessen phone use. If you cannot imagine an entire day without your phone, try leaving it somewhere inside when you go outside for a walk. Put it inside your backpack when commuting by train and do a little people-watching before you get to the office.
2. Set clear goals
This goes back to thinking about why you want to break up with your phone in the first place. Some realistic goals might be to stop phone usage one hour before bedtime each night to go to sleep more easily. Your goal might be to model moderate phone usage for your children, especially if you are an adult who would like to stay engaged with children offline. Perhaps your goal is to have more real-time interactions and conversations with a partner or other people dear to you.
3. Monitor your usage
Ironically, technology can help you reduce your phone usage. as direction. You can use built-in features on your phone like Screen Time (iOS) or Digital Wellbeing (Android) to track your usage. These tools provide detailed insights into how much time you spend on different apps and activities. You might be surprised at how much time you spend on your phone.
Other apps to monitor your phone usage include:
- Forest: Stay focused by planting virtual trees that grow when you don’t use your phone.
- Moment: Track your phone usage and set daily limits to reduce screen time.
- Offtime: Block distracting apps and create custom profiles for different activities.
4. Create phone-free zones
Establish specific areas and times in your life where phones are off-limits. Some effective phone-free zones might include:
- The dining table: Reconnect with family or friends. Focus on enjoying meals and having engaging conversations. Don’t use the phone as a babysitter for the kids at home, though I grant phone use to entertain kids may be beneficial when you are out to eat.
- The bedroom: Improve your sleep quality by avoiding screens at least an hour before bedtime. Stop the phone from being the first thing you see in the morning and the last thing you see at night. Lessening doom scrolling or reading the news before bed may also help reduce anxiety. Make sure your charging station is away from your bed.
- Workspaces: Enhance productivity by limiting phone use during work or study sessions. Use your “do not disturb” function or put your phone into silent mode. Put your phone in a desk drawer when you are doing mentally challenging work. Mute specific apps or disable sounds designed to draw your attention.
5. Turn off non-essential notifications
I don’t know what constitutes a non-essential notification for you, but you do. Are you allowing social media to ping you every time someone posts a new status or reel? Are you constantly barraged by notifications from domestic or international news feeds? Does your email notify you each time a new message arrives? Notifications are a major distraction and derail your thought processes.
One of my personal gripes is medical offices sending you a series of identical automated messages via telephone, voice mail and text to confirm an appointment. You can head those duplicative notifications off at the pass by telling the medical people to stop sending any reminders except as a text message, a telephone, or an email. In other words, you tell them your preferred method of contact and don’t give them more than one way to notify you.
Turn off notifications for all non-essential apps, such as social media, games, and promotional emails. Only keep notifications for important communications like calls, texts, and essential work-related apps you are required to use, like Slack or Hive. Even then, you may be able to silence notifications for “new tasks” on the phone, knowing you will see these when you return to your computer.
6. Use technology to your advantage
Set app limits: Most smartphones allow you to set daily limits for specific apps. Use this feature to restrict the time you spend on distracting apps. Once you reach the limit, the app will then lock you out for the rest of the day.
Use physical reminders to reduce use: If you mindlessly pick up the phone to check something and spend 20 minutes playing a game, consider some sort of physical reminder to slow you down. Disable facial recognition, so you have to type in your identification code, put the phone in a paper bag, or wrap the phone with a rubber band that has to be removed before use.
Try devices to block overuse: The Unpluq tag is a physical barrier to distraction that still allows emergency mode communication, scheduling times for using apps, blocking apps at particular times, or monitoring usage. Find alternatives to phone use
Identify activities that you can do instead of reaching for your phone. Having a list of alternative activities will make it easier to divert your attention away from your phone. To really break the phone habit, you must make the alternative easy, too. Below are five ideas for alternatives and strategies for making them easy to do.
- Reading a book (Have a book nearby, open and ready for your eyes).
- Practicing a hobby like cooking (Use a handwritten ingredients list for recipes).
- Spending time with loved ones (Set up a regular time for those interactions).
- Meditating or practicing mindfulness (Set up your meditation space in advance).
- Going for a walk (Have your walking shoes by the door)
I’d add exercising, but too many of us, myself included, cannot bear to use the machines at the gym without the distraction of a podcast. I love getting to listen to educational material that gives me information on society, culture, economics and education I would not be exposed to otherwise. That’s a boon I do not want to give up!
7. Simplify your technology
I’ve already discussed setting time limits on apps, using technology to help you determine how much time you spend on the phone, and turning off notifications. But what about using a “dumb” phone instead of a smart one? Scrolling through social media provides a pleasurable dopamine hit. Dumb phones can be limited to simple apps like texts, calls, maps, and calculators.
Old-style flip phones can still be purchased, and some stores are even beginning to cater to a clientele that wants them, especially parents who do not want to let their children loose on the internet at very young ages. Those children may get a smartphone when they are older, but perhaps they will have more discipline about usage by then. Techless markets Wisephone II to adults, a simple home screen with no icons (just words), two colors, and two fonts. Music, camera, and photos can be accessed, but there are no social media connections. Notes are “Apple and Google-free by default.”
8. Reduce usage gradually
Breaking up with your phone doesn’t have to be abrupt. Gradually reduce your usage by setting small, achievable goals. For instance, start by cutting down your screen time by 15 minutes each day until you reach a comfortable level. You may have to start by setting a timer. Don’t use your phone for this: get yourself an old-fashioned mechanical cooking timer for around $5.00 and set it to clicking off the time. That way, you are not tempted to pick up the phone and scroll past the timer.
Some people increase the time by 15 minutes each week until they have reached a full hour without phone use at the end of a month. Staying off the phone gives you time to do something else you want to do with your life. An old officemate of mine used to say, “No one says on their deathbed, I wish I’d spent more time at the office.” I suspect a modern variant could be, “No one says on their deathbed, I wish I’d spent more time on the phone.”
9. Stay accountable to yourself, reflect and adjust
Regularly reflect on your progress and adjust your strategies as needed. Like cleaning out clothes you haven’t worn for a year, consider adjusting by deleting apps you haven’t used in over a month. For accountability, ask your partner or children to call you out when you answer the phone at the dinner table. Remind yourself what you can do with the free time created by being off the phone. Looking at people glued to phones when dining at a restaurant can help you remember your own rules. Celebrate your successes and learn from any setbacks. Breaking up with your phone is about finding a balance of use that works for you, not eliminating all use.
Conclusion
Breaking up with your phone is extremely hard. Unlike a personal relationship, when you want to end all contact completely, you probably do not want to cut your phone out of your life altogether. The goal is to create a sustainable and healthy relationship with your phone by finding a balance that is right for you. The ideas in this 9-point list can help you reclaim your time, improve your mental well-being, and enhance your relationships. It’s time to take control and redefine your relationship with your phone.
If you still need help breaking up with your phone or other issues that are holding you back, sign up for a 20-minute no-obligation session with Hillary.
Tags: academia, academic, change, communication, get organized, Getting Organized, goal setting, goals, habits, happiness, healthy versus dysfunctional, why change is hard
