Services

7 tips to increase joy in the season of giving

By Hillary Hutchinson / November 30, 2015

I want to help you increase joy during the season of giving as we wind down this year and move into the next. However, I also know from past experience that this can be a real stretch when feeling overwhelmed by all the ordinary matters needing attention combined with the extra activities associated with holiday feasting and gift giving. So, I decided to provide 7 tips to help you (and me!) keep things in perspective and actually enjoy this time.

1. Give more. This may sound counter intuitive, but allow me to explain: Try donating to charity instead of buying gifts. My two girls were the first grandchildren to be born on either side of the family, but gradually they were joined by seven more. At some point, my siblings and I decided we should stop giving gifts to each other and focus on the children. When my kids were in elementary school, we had a discussion about what we could do to acknowledge the cousins during the holidays, given many lived far away and we did not know them well. We settled on giving a portion of an animal to each of them through a well-known charity. Surprisingly, the cousins actually got a kick out of this, and still look forward to getting their yearly card thanking them for their annual contribution “to buy a goat.”

2. Expect less. Diane Dillon, author of Mommy Mantras uses the mantra “Take what they can give.” What she means by this, and what I like about it, is the idea of letting go of anything you “expect” from relatives or friends in terms of behavior, gift giving, entertaining, etc. Letting go of expectations lets you enjoy more what is being offered.

3. Become a receiver. Allow yourself to graciously accept whatever your relatives or friends are able to do for you. It’s your gift to the giver. People enjoy knowing that they have done something you appreciate. And the ritual of giving helps cement the bonds between family members and friends, so it turns out that both the giving and receiving are a rather complex social and psychological process that needs nurturing.

4. Listen to music. Yes, you can listen to the holiday music, but you don’t have to: any music you find uplifting and joyous will do. Try listening to the duo Mirabai Ceiba, with a 2010 album entitled “A Hundred ” I think their music sounds mystical, Latin-infused, and (if there is such a word) “yogic.”

5. Offer thanks. Yes, I know I have mentioned this many times before, but gratitude attitude really is a practice. Practice requires discipline, and during the holiday times with the many demands we feel, it can be hard to remember to be grateful for what we have. In my case, even though I lost my first husband years ago, reminding myself how lucky I am to have so many loving family members: two parents in their eighties still alive, my three my siblings, two beautiful grown up children and a new husband all remind me to be grateful.

6. Stop the obligations. Above I mentioned the demands of the holiday season, so here I’d like to encourage you to give up whatever you are doing that doesn’t actually give you joy, whether it’s writing an annual holiday letter, hosting an open house, or any other thing you’ve done in the past because you are afraid of being judged for not doing it. There really is no need to “do it all.” This can be intensely liberating.

7. Practice kindness. Hold both yourself and others with compassion. During this season, everyone is stressing out a bit. If a checkout clerk seems rude, try to remember what a day in retail can be like, serving demanding and ungrateful customers. It never hurts to acknowledge someone serving you with a kind word and a smile, or even by saying, “I can see how busy you are; I imagine you may feel a bit swamped.” This sort of statement can really light someone else up, because they feel seen and appreciated. It may light you up, too.

Try these 7 tips and see if you enjoy your holiday season more. I know I will, as long as I can practice what I preach.