5 ways to increase positivity in your life

Positivity

“Positivity doesn’t just change the contents of your mind…It widens the span of possibilities that you see.” ~Barbara Fredrickson

I am heading to my younger daughter’s graduation this month where she will receive a Master’s degree in International Relations. It’s one of the places where we do mark real transitions from one stage of life to another. These young people are still optimistic, despite focusing on some of the most egregious problems of our time across the world. But as we get older and more cynical, we may need a little help learning how to increase positivity in your life.

This is not easy because, from a survival standpoint, the negatives are louder and harsher because the consequences are greater than with positive experiences. Rick Hanson says negative experiences stick as if you have Velcro in your brain, whereas the positive experiences tend to slide off as if your brain were made of Teflon.

I know this is true for me and sometimes makes it really difficult to write. I get more positive than negative feedback. Yet, that one comment, even the one that seems to come from someone with a poor command of the English language, that tells me I am “crazy for thinking that this could possibly work,” takes a lot of positive comments to outweigh!

This is also sometimes referred to as the “negativity bias” that we all experience. Recognizing this issue can help you focus on the feeling you want, rather than things you want to have. This is the place where you say to yourself, “I am safe, here and now; there is no saber-toothed tiger hiding behind that bamboo. Negative thoughts make you want to run away from danger as fast as the adrenaline in your legs can carry you.

Why should you bother to enhance positivity in your life? For one thing, when you can get fear out of your way, you become more productive. Some experts estimate as much as 31% more productive! Here are 5 positive emotions (with thanks to Barbara Frederickson’s work) and some steps you can take to enhance them:

  1. Joy: Create a “happy place” in your brain that you can return to at a moment’s notice. Positive memories can be that refuge: Celebrating a special event with friends, remembering a walk in the woods on a blustery day, or the sound of a Carolina wren singing on a spring morning outside your bedroom window. Or it can simply be a place in nature you know really well, a safe place from childhood that you can recreate in your mind: a special garden, a ledge looking out over a valley, a waterfall with rhododendrons. It also doesn’t hurt to scatter a few simple pleasures through your day, like a good cup of tea or coffee while sitting on your porch or bring the outside in with a bouquet of fresh flowers.
  2. Gratitude: A gratitude journal is a useful way to remember all the good things in your life. Take a little time at the end of each day to see if you can name something new each day. We are all grateful for the love of family, but maybe someone in your family did something special for you. Or maybe something good happened because you reached out of your own comfort zone. Acknowledge your own part in creating the good stuff. Alternatively, you can lie in bed for a few minutes before you get up, and remind yourself of all the good things in your life, as simple as being warm and dry.
  3. Serenity: Use inspiring quotes, or lines from poems, that speak to you of the positive side of life. Many, many people from prisoners of war to refugees from natural disasters have used this strategy to get through some of the worst of times. I find for myself that singing songs with a positive message make it easier to remember (the rhyming scheme) literally lifts my sagging spirits with a lilting melody. One of my personal favorites is “Sing a Song” by Joe Raposo. Another technique when someone throws a negative comment your way that upsets your peace of mind is to imagine it as a drop of dark-colored ink in clear water. Now watch how fast that ink dissolves as it mixes with the rest of the water and all becomes clear again.
  4. Interest (curiosity): Curiosity is frequently defined as the intellectual quality that makes you want to learn more about a given topic. When Terry Anderson was a hostage in Beirut, Lebanon (1985-1991) he remembers being continually beset by ants. He would stomp on them, grind them out, and still, they came. Finally, he began to take an interest in them and noticed the complexity of their social life, and how the group would actually attempt to carry out a single wounded ant. This is a rather extreme example to be sure, but being curious about what is happening in your life can help you learn new things. And while you are busy asking those who, what, when, where, how and most particularly why questions, you are not likely to be focusing on the negative.
  5. Pride (in actual accomplishment): Create a file of things you have accomplished, things you know you did well. Include anytime someone praises you for a job well done, or thanks you for your part in something a group did. Notice your own talents. Notice what you have learned from these experiences. If praise comes by email, print it out and stick it your file. Then, when you are assailed by negative thoughts, pull out these glorious words and remind yourself of how wonderful you actually are.

Make a commitment to yourself to pursue positivity in your life. Not just at some surface level of smiling when things are not going your way because there will always be a time when things don’t go your way, but at a deeper level. Interpreting events away from the inherent negative bias has lasting good consequences. It’s an investment in yourself and your future.

Next month we’ll look at 5 more positive emotions and how to enhance them.

 

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