Last month, I wrote about the need for self-love; this month, I want to give you 5 pointers on a related topic: self-trust. There is well-documented literature on trust in leaders as critical for the success of an organization, in academia and beyond. However, we cannot build trust unless we trust ourselves first. It’s the very first step in building a good relationship with ourselves. Think of building self-trust as an exercise that will help you move through the world with confidence and poise.
In 2007, when I was just beginning to think about setting up a coaching practice, I was deeply frightened about stepping out of the role of a worker trading time for salary. I was afraid of leaving an organization that gave me a regular income, colleagues to talk to about problems, associates to help when computers failed, and an accounting office dealing with the regular tasks of handling income and outflow. On the other hand, I felt the need to try something new and challenging, to build something reflecting my own values, contribute to the world doing something I loved. I knew it would be hard, but hey, nothing worth doing is ever easy, is it?
I tried figuring out what to do using my head: I surveyed people I knew about my ideas, did a written list of pros and cons, examined my resources, and generally tried to rationalize what was actually an irrational decision, something my gut was telling me to do. Not my head. Do you know how hard it is for someone that is oriented to the world of academia and ideas to get out of their head? It is almost impossible. That’s where self-trust comes in.
What can help you learn to trust yourself? Here are 5 pointers:
1. Listen to both your mind and your body. Be aware of when you are abusing either by speaking unkindly to yourself or treating your body as a throw away container. Then correct your course, by speaking compassionately and kindly to your inner self, and treating your body to nutritious food, moderate exercise and good sleep. When in good condition, your body will return the favor by giving solid information to your mind about the next step to take.
2. Spend time with yourself and know what recharges you. If you’re an introvert, you may need time alone with nature; if you’re an extrovert, you might need finding a place with lots of people where you can interact. Most of us are somewhere in between, so take the time to gauge where you are right now before you decide what you need right now.
3. Respect yourself. (This is similar, but not exactly the same, as the first pointer.) Do not judge your own thoughts when they first arise; think of them as an editable first draft. Be willing to explore your problems and their solutions without beating yourself up if you don’t have an immediate answer.
4. Value your skills and accomplishments. You are different from everyone else. Celebrate the things you do differently or better than others, whether it’s tying a fishing fly, writing an academically acceptable article, or getting to the highest level in an on-line game.
5. Receive from others. Stay away from those people that bring you down and hang with those who believe in and care for you. If there are negative people in your life acting as “naysayers” to anything you want to do, consider getting rid of them or giving them a much wider berth. Support from others gives you both perspective and helps you grow trust in yourself and your abilities.
By doing these small things, and discovering how often crafting your own right choices makes you happier and more productive, you’ll be able to grow your own sense of self-trust and take a more confident, assured, capable person into our challenging world.
If you are struggling to find confidence in yourself and trust your decisions, working with a career coach could be the answer. Learn more about my career coaching programs and set up your free consultation.
If you’re not quite ready to take that step my book, Confidence: The Real McCoy, contains tips and advice to change your attitude and start building confidence.
You might also like:
5 Ways to Increase Positivity in Your Life
5 More Ways to Increase Positivity in Your Life
Tags: academia, attitude, becoming yourself, change, confidence, happiness, self-trust, trust
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