3 simple ways to stress less and stress better

Stress less, stress better

“Stress makes us prone to tunnel vision, less likely to takin in the information we need.” ~ Noreena Hertz, academic, economist, author

Whether you are an administrator, professor, or student, this is a stressful time of year. With final projects, exams and grading due, it’s rapidly approaching the time when everything seems to speed up like a whirlwind before striking and then slows done for the summer.  Stress seems inevitable and fatiguing. But it is actually possible to “stress less” and “stress better.”

I know because I’ve done it. As people who know me well can attest, I can get seriously wound up when I have a lot to get done by a certain deadline. If I get sick in the bargain because I’ve let myself get run down, get out of the way: grumpy would be the polite way to describe how I feel and act. It’s actually quite humbling to have people care enough to help me slow down the building whirlwind before real destruction can occur. And I’ve slowly learned that some stress can actually be helpful.

Before we go to the ways to deal with stress, we need to make a distinction between bad stress and good stress.

Good stress results from feeling “challenged,” by doing something that is difficult but possible. We know there is a lot in our control: when we actually start work on that final project, how long we procrastinate getting the grading done, whether we leave enough time for the inevitable computer glitches that come with uploading deadline driven documents. Embracing good stress allows for a growth mindset. This can help overcome any type of adversity, whether personal or professional, and enhance learning.

Bad stress is the opposite: it creates fear and anxiety and leaves us feeling that everything is out of our control. Sometimes the situation is out of our control, like being in a small fender-bender accident that was not your fault on the way to take a test, but sometimes it’s our anxiety-fueled response that creates more problems. Your adrenaline is probably going to be elevated, and this is clearly an adverse situation.

In the scenario above, you can freak out completely or you can breathe first to slow down your racing mind, then make a simple phone call explaining the situation. You may not be able to reach the person administering the test at that moment, but there will be a record of your call. Most likely even this dire situation can be handled relatively calmly. How you deal with the situation can make bad stress worse or help turn the incident into a growth and confidence building experience.

Kelly McGonigal’s book, The Upside of Stress, explains in depth why how we think about stress matters. Stress can be a friend to you and not an enemy. You don’t actually want to eliminate all stress from your life. Good stress helps you focus, gives you the energy to get things done, pushes you outside your comfort zone, and helps you notice the benefits of tackling something difficult and succeeding. It really is true, to paraphrase Nietzsche, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

You will never eliminate stress. And you should not want to. What you want to do is reduce the bad stress and embrace the good stress in your life.

Here are three simple ways to stress less and stress better:

  • Let go of trying to control everything. Remember Reinhold Niebuhr’s heartfelt prayer: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.” This can go a long way toward helping you figure out whether you are dealing with good stress or bad stress. By noticing which is arising, you can more easily decide how to handle it.
  • Give yourself permission to make mistakes. This one is particularly hard for academics at any level when it feels like so much is riding on being perfect. Who hasn’t missed a deadline on occasion? Who hasn’t found three typos after a paper was turned in? Who hasn’t spilled coffee on a “perfect” project? I’ve done all these things and more. The trick is not to beat yourself up over it. Instead, go back to that growth mindset and ask, “What can I learn from this experience?” or “How can I do this differently and better in the future?” Reframe the focus from what went wrong to creating a positive outcome. McGonigal calls this growth mindset “shift and persist.”
  • Look at the big picture. Your expectations of yourself may be set too high. Tasks may be important, but relationships with family, friends, co-workers, and collaborators are all more important in the long run. That test will be over, that project will be finished, that article will be uploaded at some point. You don’t want to be looking around without someone to celebrate with and cheer you on to the next challenge. Besides, they need you to do the same for them. If you can’t give them time in the moment, let them know when you can. Give those people close to you some quality time when the whirlwind ceases.

You have more control than you think in responding to bad stress and creating growth opportunities with good stress. Trust yourself to rise to the challenges in your life. Recognize that you will never eliminate stress but you most certainly can transform how you feel about it, and how you handle it.

I’ve written about some of the neuroscience and the short history of the term “stress” before (see Stress Less for Success).

 

 

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